Eric Lysander had to re-read his message to make sure it was correct. The first time he had ever met up with the entrepreneur Esteban Bridges was over a year ago at Chora’s Den, an establishment of somewhat ill repute on the Citadel, not without its charms who mostly either served drinks or danced for paying customers. The next meeting was at the Abyssal Demon within Cartagena Station, a rusting, rotting cesspool of rejects and drifters located at the outermost edge of the galaxy. Eric was briefly sidetracked by a run-in with the Crimson Scythe along the way. Their effort to shanghai the ex-marine proved to be their undoing as they found themselves no match for the highly-trained soldier, even without his normal compliment of weaponry.
This time Esteban had selected a locale that many believed was a tall tale spun and perpetuated by those fortunate to have an audience with the Consort:
Sha’ira’s secret pleasure room, The Embrace of the Goddess.
The N7 puzzled over Esteban’s reasons for choosing this particular place, never minding what favors he had to call in or pockets he had to line. If he was trying to make up for Cartagena and the Collector base, the Consort Chambers were the ultimate apology. But Esteban, as much as he proved he could carouse with the best drunkards and revelers, did not mix business with pleasure. It had to be nothing more than cover for discussing the latest mission in his war with the Collectors and their masters, the Reapers. The galaxy at large would be none the wiser. But perhaps this new mission was even more hopeless than the prospect of rescuing captured civilians and his employer felt his team could do with one last, sweet indulgence before heading out to certain oblivion. At any rate Eric figured he could at least spend a little time with one of Shai’ira’s more affordable - and available - acolytes before attending the meeting. To his chagrin, however, he would find himself diverted once more as with his last trip…
The asari acolyte Nelyna at the entrance to the Consort Chambers was honored and a bit embarrassed that Eric wanted to book time with her specifically, having heard of her specialty with touch.
“My shift here doesn’t end for a couple hours, Mr. Lysander,” she said, trying to keep from blushing. “At this console, I mean. I’ll be available to see you when Tari takes over for me.”
Eric rotated a shoulder “S’alright. I can wait.”
“But don’t you have...other business here?” Nelyna referred discreetly to Esteban’s reserving the Embrace for a private affair. “I’m sure they wouldn’t want to be kept waiting.”
“Oh, it’s pretty serious business, yeah. But I’m sure they’ll understand my wanting to get in a lil’ somethin’ beforehand.”
“If you insist, sir.”
The cheerful acolyte produced a datapad for Eric to peruse and initial. “These are my rates for massages and additional specialties. Just select your preferences and submit payment in advance. There is a penalty for-“
“I know. Early withdrawal, right? Pa-dum-bum!” the wily N7 interjected, Nelyna tittering at his double entendre.
Eric made his selections and transferred over funds from his account. Looking at the total for a second, he then added something before handing back the data pad. Before she could review it a voice called out “Eric Lysander!”
The namesake’s face dimmed, wondering what trouble he was about to get into now. He slowly turned to his latest opponent: a dour turian with dark-green face paint.
“Yes?” Eric comported himself as civilly as he could manage.
The turian took out a device resembling a wallet and pressed a button on it that caused a holographic ID card to materialize.
“Officer Thule Vadris, C-Sec ,” he said, putting away his identification. “Step over here, please.”
Nelya looked uneasy as Eric shrugged at her and allowed himself to be moved over to one side, not wanting trouble with the law yet again. He stood in place as Vadris passed his omni-tool all about the human’s height.
“What seems to be the problem, officer?” Eric asked, trying to get a read over what was happening.
“Remain still, please.” Vadris paused at the M97 sniper and M96 Matlock rifles on Eric’s back. “Well… looks like you've got some serious hardware back here.”
“I have permits for those,” said Eric, growing annoyed. “I’m also a licensed bounty hunter. If you’ll just let me get-“
Vadris cut him off with “I need to ask you some questions about a recent incident.” He looked over to Nelya. “Ma’am, is there an unoccupied room I can use?”
“Can’t ya ask me right here? “said Eric.
“The matter is classified for security reasons,” dismissed the officer as Nelya scrolled up the list of rooms.
“Chamber E is free, sir,” reported Nelya, waving over another acolyte to show Eric and Vadris to the room.
"Thank you, ma'am. Apologies for the inconvenience - this won't take long."
The plainclothes officer and his detainee were escorted inside the spare chamber. The acolyte sealed the door behind her. The alabaster-walled space was spare but for a large bed with purple velvet sheets in one corner. In the other corner was a platform designed for customers to lie face down while their attending acolyte massaged tense muscles and loosened up ligaments, a table with oils and lotions beside it. No doubt many a couple had frolicked within this chamber but there were no telltale stains or smells left behind as it was promptly cleaned up after each encounter. Vadris released Eric's shoulder and before the ex-marine could further demand an explanation he was greeted with a pistol barrel aimed above the bridge of his nose by a quaking hand and led back up against a wall. Not standard procedure for an officer questioning a suspect. That and the turian's flexing mandibles were additional hints that this was not really going to be an interrogation. Eric's jaw tightened as he faced down the officer.
"So... here ta finish the job?”
Vadris' neck twisted to a perplexed angle. “Job?”
“For ya boss, the one who tried to have me poisoned.”
“Poison…? Well… as much as I’d like to watch you suffer slowly I don’t have that kind of time.”
"So what are you waitin’ for?" Eric dared. "You can tell 'em I resisted arrest n' have your friends clean up after-"
"Friends?!" the officer's gun pushed into Eric's skull. "I don't have friends anymore after what you've done. No one... nothing...! Why? What have I ever done to you?"
"I think that's my line," said Eric, trying to source out what in blazes this man was talking about. "I never even saw ya before today so why don't ya put away th’ gun so we can talk."
The pistol never wavered from its target. “You took my life, my Ady’enne, away from me!”
"Who’s Ady'enne?"
"DON'T PLAY GAMES WITH ME!" Vadris trigger finger tensed threateningly. “You know! You know who she is... you knew the child she carries isn't her bondmate’s!"
"Bondmate?" Eric had the trailing edge of a clue. "Like... asari bondmate?"
Vadris only stared, holding back tears. The N7's memory wandered a moment and suddenly the answer washed into him. On the night Eric was poisoned Vale Duscaat recounted how the N7 ended up barred from another establishment by scaring the customers with an impromptu bomb sweep after getting drunk. At one point he had accosted a pregnant asari and made an offhand guess about her unborn's parentage that later proved to be true.
"Regetti's bar?"
The turian's eyes flickered in acknowledgement as one tear fell.
"That's your kid...? Hey, I was bombed. I said n' did a lotta stupid shit that night. It was a wild guess - I didn't think anybody'd take me seriously!"
"Her bondmate, that turian bitch beast, did! Ady’enne tried to downplay it but she kept digging and digging away at her until she broke down and gave me up... Ady'enne was going to leave her... we were supposed to live someplace happy, raising the child we made together. The bitch could rot thinking it was hers; Ady’enne would still have custody even after they separated. She went to C-Sec and told my superiors... I was dismissed... disgraced... and now... I get to thank the man responsible... for ruining my life..."
Eric's face darkened; the man in front of him was more at fault. He had the gall to pretend he was still with C-Sec just so he could take revenge on a man whose only crimes were drunkenness, mischief and an unlucky guess.
“So you figured you’d bring me in here, shoot me and then walk out without anyone suspecting. You didn’t really think this through, did ya?”
Vadris took a breath and steadied his aim. “I have given this thought. I will be ready to pay for my mistakes … after you’ve paid for yours!”
An activation warning beep sounded. Vadris flinched.
"DON'T!" Eric warned. "Or we both go up right now…”
“What was that? Tell me!” Vadris ordered.
“You’re not th’ only one that’s made preparations. “Your lil’ scan n’ disable protocol didn’t pick up the C12 linin’ th’ chestplate on my suit. Oh yeah, enough to take out this entire room. See, in my line o’work I deal with people tryin’ to take me out one way or another every damn day. Fact I just got outta th’ hospital after someone damn near succeeded! Now I run inta yer sorry ass… guess my luck’s finally run out.”
The ex-officer looked unnerved as Eric went on. “What? You thought the only mess you hadda worry ‘bout was my brains on the wall while C-Sec runs ya in, tries ya n’ throws ya in th’ clink? Oh, no, no, no. You’re goin’ out messy with me. They’re gonna have a hard time scraping dextro-levo salsa off these nice clean walls!”
“The others. You-you don’t even care about the others…? Here?”
Vadris did not want anyone else caught up in his plot. The glimmer in Eric’s eyes danced in an unstable light thought in actuality he was hoping that his own mad ploy would discourage Vadris from carrying out his.
“What for? I’ll be fuckin’ dead n’ so will you! C’maan… let’s go out with a bang!”
The turian’s mandibles stiffened.
“You don’t have a bomb, otherwise you would have killed us already.”
“Okay then. But you know, Ady’enne’s kid’s gonna wanna know ‘bout her daddy. What’s she gonna tell ‘er? ‘See that, honey? He’s that big hole in th’ Consort’s Chambers!’”
Vadris grabbed Eric’s throat while still aiming his gun. “Do it then! Push the button!”
This was not the turn of events the demolitions expert was counting on. Perhaps it was not the best of ideas to remind the turian of his offspring.
“Or what? You’ll kill me?” gritted Eric.
“I won’t live to dishonor Ady’enne or my child any more than I have! I am ready to die!”
“Do you know how crazy ya sound right now?” Eric tried to work out ways he could snatch away Vadris’ gun while at point blank range with a hand around his neck.
“DO IT!!”
“Thought you didn’t wanna blow up any bystanders!”
The demolitions expert figured maybe he could trip or rush him. Turians had slightly better leg leverage due to their avian-like physiology. If he was lucky they would both go into a roll such that the gun would discharge away from his cranium.
“Far better to die in battle than waste away in prison!”
“What battle?! You have me against th’ wall!”
Vadris, disgusted at the human’s inability to commit to his fate, released Eric’s neck and stepped back still aiming his weapon. Now there was an opening.
“PUSH THE BUTTON-“
Vadris gasped out and all his limbs were immobilized, including his trigger finger. Some kind of blue spider had popped up onto his shoulder and jabbed into his neck with one of its legs. As the turian fell to the floor unconscious Eric’s focus shifted and saw the blue spider was actually the hand of the asari acolyte Nelyna. Eric had seen a similar maneuver in one of his science fiction vids but had always believed it was not possible to execute.
“Hoh shit… it really works!” he breathed out with relief.
Two turian C-Sec officers in uniform entered the chamber and picked up Vadris while Nelyna saw to her client.
“My specialty is touch,” she said “It’s not the first time I’ve had to deal with an aggressive client. Are you all right, Mr. Lysander?”
The human rubbed about his neck. “… jus’ call me Eric, okay…?
One officer waved his omni-tool in front of Eric. “Okay, sir, I removed the security lock on your weapons. You’re free to go about your business. Sorry about your trouble.”
Eric switched off his own omni-tool as the officer remarked “And by the way, it’s not a very good idea to threaten a potential shooter with a bomb… even if it’s fake.”
No traces of C12 were found by Vadris’ scans because there was none to find. Eric had used an error alert from one of his omni-tool apps to simulate a bomb arming. He sported an annoyed reaction to the grinning officer as he turned to assist his partner with carrying Vadris out of the chamber and into custody. Nelyna was also amused by the human’s clever, if ill-advised, feint.
“Hadda throw ‘im off with something.” Eric straightened up and looked to his acolyte savior. “What tipped you off? Th’ screaming?”
“That and the fact that undercover officers never identify themselves without other uniforms present,” Nelyna explained. “I checked our police scanner to see if he called for backup when I heard screaming. When I found he made no transmissions I called C-Sec to let them know one of their officers was here. They told me that Vadris was dismissed three years ago for moral turpitude. They dispatched a unit immediately.”
“Good detective work there. Thanks.”
“You looked like you were going to try and dodge his shot. Surely you know that’s impossible.”
“The trick is not to dodge the bullet. It’s the trigger you keep an eye on,” Eric held up a finger to accent his point. “It can take a sixth to a quarter of a second to pull back unless it’s a hair trigger; time enough to duck or dive n’ only suffer a graze.”
Nelya seemed impressed. “Sounds like you’ve done some investigating of your own.”
“Yeah, seems like I’ve been moonlightin’ as a private eye lately,” mused Eric in remembrance of his assisting Maelstrom with clearing his name.
Nelya clasped her hands before her waist. “After going through that you could definitely use my attention. But not here in a crime scene, obviously.”
Eric stepped towards her. “Yeah, about that…”
“Sir…? Eric…?”
Nelya’s hands rose up to her chest ready to administer more paralyzing blows. She then felt foolish to see that her reaction was unwarranted. Her client had wrapped his arms around her in a grateful embrace and gave her a peck on the cheek.
“Think I’ll pass on the massage session – ya did more than enough for me today. Thanks again.”
He released her and headed for the door. “But the penalty fee…” she reminded her former client.
Eric turned about and pointed downwards at her. “Check your tab. You’re covered.”
The silver armored mercenary quickly moved through the vestibule of the Consort Chambers away from police activity, running into a couple of familiar faces. After giving her statement Nelyna went to her console to retrieve her datapad from Tari who had decided to take over her post much sooner to allow her to unwind from the incident. She stared almost bug-eyed at the information on screen; she was indeed covered for any inconvenience and then some. The amount credited to her was comparable to the fee for the Consort herself.
Now it was Nelyna’s turn to collapse on the floor.
Anelya and Enaya appeared to have settled in quite well with their positions as acolytes to Sha’ira. They greeted Eric and informed him that Maelstrom was already present. The asari twins then directed the N7 to the stairwell in the rear and provided instruction for reaching the Embrace along with a friendly caution about Esteban Bridges new secretary. Eric sighed and headed up, remembering a time years ago when he had an opportunity to spend an evening with another set of asari twins. He could not summon up the nerve then, concerned that the telepathic psychosexual exchange would lead to unintended mind swapping. He shrugged it off as he headed down the hallway to the Consort’s door. His eyes beheld a sight he could not imagine even stone drunk; at the door stood a vorcha female wearing a bright floral pattern dress with matching high heels.
“Ohhhmyyygahd” he mumbled.
The vorcha looked up from her datapad to spy the mercenary approaching. She checked her pad again quickly and said in a voice resembling a stifled screech “Eric Lysander. You are expected.”
Eric slowed to a stop, unable to look away. The vorcha, becoming self-conscious, stared at the human who tried to break the awkward moment with a poor attempt at talk.
“Are you…? Do you-?” he stammered.
“I am not little Consort hussy, Mr. Boom!” the vorcha grated.
Eric blinked rapidly, his trance broken by her nickname for him. “’M-Mr. Boom?’”
“Mister Bridges told me about you. Big bomb expert, second in command of team. Also told me you have eyes for females.”
Eric made a valiant effort not to break down laughing, shivering in place.
“I am Bridges private secretary,” the vorcha set her chest proudly.”Shizzle. Professional secretary so no funny stuff!”
“I… have nooo intention for doing annny… f-funny s-stuff!” managed Eric.
“Good. Please enter.” Shizzle palmed open the door and stepped aside for the N7 to pass but he did not move.
“Why are you still looking at me?” Shizzle growled. “Want me to sue you?! Hah?!”
Eric was still trying to reconcile in his mind how someone as homely as a vorcha could find it within themselves to wear such an outfit. It was tacky even by human standards.
B better check ta see he doesn’t have any shower curtains missing, he thought, shrinking slightly to cap off a titter.
“Sorry… it’s… your dress,” Eric fought for cover. “It’s very intriguing. Very becoming.”
What the hell’s it becoming?
“Flattery not work, either. But thank you.” Shizzle smiled a sabre-toothed smile, buying into Eric’s line. “Bridges not let me wear it when I started. Had to get lawyer for little talk. He is okay with it now. Pretty, yes?”
“It’s certainly… very…bright… some of those isotopes must be quite rare.”
“Huh?” Shizzle was caught off guard.
“Gotta go! Nice meetin’ ya, Ms. Shizzle!” Eric scurried past her into the chambers.
He came across his employer and Maelstrom seated within on the couches, a far more attractive asari acolyte present with them. Confident he was out of Shizzle’s earshot, Eric decompressed from his run in with her.
“Hey, Mr. B. Mal,” he jerked a thumb backwards. “Met the gargoyle just now. They… they really hung one on you, didn’t they, B Man?”